Earth Historian T-Shirts

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

Oh, I'm just going through the normal aging process -- You know: stone, ice, bronze, iron, space …

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"You're fired."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Gender Equality

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Great Chinese Dynasties

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

Demure lady with gloves

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

They're Not Just That Into It

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

'I told you it would be useful.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Torturing the English Language

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Pretty Flowers