Early Decorator Pillows

"Half-assed attempts at Christmas decorations already?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Painting the Ceiling

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

Shelter Cat Nap

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

Face Painting.

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

"Who should we have at eye level this month?"

'I wanted a change in decor.'

'Quick, press control Z!'

Redecorating Easter Island.

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

Curtains haberdashery