E-commerce Professional Pillows

'That? That's a store, hon. In the olden days people would buy things in stores instead of online.'

"Our social media statistics show us that people don't want our product. The want videos of cats."

Online shopping - Using shopping cart mouse.

"It's a web business fed up with credit card fraud ..they prefer to be paid by cash now!"

E-commerce for shoplifters.

'The home E-commerce business is doing well, but he misses his little friends at the office.'

"I was a successful day trader...had a bad few minutes."

'Yeah, their website is called www.dazoosux.com.'

Internet Shoplifting

Terms and conditions

"Arrr! I'm a product piracy victim! Someone sold me a faked parrot!"

Drones

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

Early on-line shopping

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Online Shopping.

"Let's go back to our cabana, get into bed and shop online."

Gerald Ratner's return

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"We just got our online schooling exam results..."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'We're e-bankrupt.'

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

"I got it from eBay."

'I know it's the truth, but on this promo for our site, do you think we should use the promo code 'desperation?''

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"When you order your dictator from Temu"

'A penny for my thoughts. Now accepting all major credit cards.'

"Aren't you glad we stayed in? I had time to order us some more sweatpants."