E-commerce Consultant Pillows

Cornucopia Prime

Gerald Ratner's return

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

The Computer Bore

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Computer Expert

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

'I think what we need now is someone called a computer programmer.'

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Early on-line shopping

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

Online Shopping.

"Let's go back to our cabana, get into bed and shop online."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

"We just got our online schooling exam results..."

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

Early Tech Support

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

'We're e-bankrupt.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

"Having our team all work on the same page has been a lot more difficult since our company has gone paperless."

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Terms and conditions

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."