Dysfunctional Family Navigator Pillows

Happy Mothers Day!

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

"Wet wipe?"

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"The penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law..."

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'

'Eddie's mom has nerves of steel. She didn't send me home 'til almost four.'