Dysfunction Enthusiast Gifts

'Kemper, you're absolutely dysfunctional. Have you ever considered running for public office?'

"Consensus on a Friday afternoon... what a lovely way to begin the weekend!"

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

'It's too wet for walkies and I can't find my boots!'

Bureau of Missing Persons

Swiss Army Stove.

"Instead of a bedtime story, how about strapping a bottle rocket to your doll and setting it off in your little brother’s room?" "Brad was a terrible father."

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

Directions.

"Watch him. His body says Monday but his face says Friday."

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

Giant 'NO' with a small man holding a 'Yes',

'Next time, spring for a little more, and get a GOOD GPS'

"Rayna's been kidnapped! And its all my fault!"

'Every time we have an argument you've gotta drag the boss into it!'

"Hi Honey, I'm Holmes"

"Hi, this is Bill Gates. Time to buy some new software."

'The school counselor says I have well-developed motor skills. Will you bring me a car?'

"It's that time of year when guys randomly explode."

"Who is it - some tramp from a lower court? You only buy me flowers when you feel guilty for seeing another judge."

"I told him to trim a couple of inches off the middle and he thought it was a fat remark."

'Mom, Dad. . . remember that day you sent me to law school and I got lost?'

Dynamic decision makers - Will probably be back in an hour or so.

'A simple bottle would have sufficed for your specimen, Mr Thomas.'

'See! I told you my dad is a boxer!'

"You've got to hand it to Johnson...if anyone has undeclared assets he's the man to find them!"

'The collar is imported from China. For some reason it converts to a wok.'

"I can't find my stupid phone, so leave a message..."

'There you are!' (Bureau of Missing Persons)

Ingenuity

'The dog wants to go out, Dear.'