Dump Devotee Pillows

'...And the hotel was an absolute dump!'

I love my Timpani

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Thomas Hardy

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

Pre-Historic Gentleman's Duel

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

"What is a drag queen's goal?"

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Earnest's invite had lied about there being a live band"

"I guess there ain't room in this town for two bonsai specialists."

'Could you guys play a slow number so my gal and I can dance?'

Chuck didn't care what his therapist said; that is not where he left his dummy.

Band alternating between whiney and angry songs.

How hit songs get their names

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

One book... One book... One book...

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"Ready...."

"Singing makes me self-conscious."

"There's nothing like a dame!"

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Highland Pipe Band Drum Major

'After a hectic day of trading, some of our traders need to decompress.'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

Tribal man drumming a message read by an Englishman"...and finally, Middlesex are 120 for 3..."

'It was a split decision.'

'Shakin' bacon.'

"What? Tiny houses are all the rage."

School of Karate

'The problems with charities is that they are always needing donations.'

'I thought you were supposed to be a music lover!'

Thriller of the Week

'Our email program is on the fritz again.'