Dugout Detective Pillows

'We still can't afford to modernize the visitors dugout.'

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

TWIN-KILLING CHOREOGRAPHY

"That's Gilbey's hat and Gilbey's binoculars, but that's definitely not Gilbey."

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Federal witness protection agency.

"No, you hang up first. No, you!"

'I actually find my Ghillie Suit a better camouflage option than my stripes...'

"President Whipple couldn't make it."

'Go ahead and dig, you said! what are the odds there's a pipe right there, you said!'

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

The Five Major Rule Changes in Major League Baseball.

"I believe the doughnuts were planted in my squad car in an effort to discredit me."

Dugout sale!

'No, I thought you were John Simpson.'

'The pitcher calls a time out and walks toward the dugout. He's signaling the front office, and it looks like they're bringing out a new manager.'

"Hackers uncover the on-hold doodles of George Clooney."

'Sorry, coach, but all of the bases are loaded.'

'Oh thats just Lady Gaga going to the shops.'

'How much tax can I avoid by becoming a Philanthropist?'

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

"I don't like it - now Jeff has disappeared."

"Damn. No hat."