Drug Squad Officer Pillows

'This ain't gonna be easy.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'See that ant, Norm - He is in a world of his own, completely unaware that he is being watched.'

Super-ego Surveillance

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

"It's marzipan pigs."

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

People of Courage

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

A New New World Order

Now it can be told - contrary to mass expectation the five people you meet in heaven are...

La Tour 2007.

'Pegasus used steroids. Pass it on.'

Pharmacy. Prescription. Don't worry about that --- After paying for those you can't afford to drive! (Published originally on August 1, 2011.)

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'That's great, but it was supposed to be a laxative.'

'Tragedy struck when Larry, the druggist, mistakenly filled the prescription with RED capsules.'

Gene doping in sport.

'I read the many IRS e-mails are missing. I wonder if the asked the National Security Agency's surveillance program for copies.'

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

Monitor Lizard.

'Your Honor, we can't find the defendant because we can't find the defendant.'

"This phone conversation may be bugged, but only for training purposes."

'Sorry, sir, but that's what your prescription seems to say.'

Members of the city and state police, the federal prosecutor's office and an undercover agent pose behind a recently-seized, uncut ounce of prevention (street value: $500,000).

Dinner in 30 Mins

"Great...ski jumping world record...the media will love me...the fans will love me...and so will the doping control officers..."

'He'll have to do a drugs test!'

Drug Side-Effects Research Division

'If the drug has that any side effects, let's market it as a biological weapon.'