Anti-narcotics Officers Pillows

Mexico

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Just Stop Boil

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

Ofwat Sewage Scrutiny

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"Environmental Protection Agency. Scott Pruitt, Administrator."

"It's marzipan pigs."

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

'...and as a consequence, you lot all redundant. I'm not making it up.'

Excessive Paperwork

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

'Certainly Madame - it's summer time!'

Fun with Fascism

"Your footage makes us dizzy so we're taking back your body camera, Officer Dancing Traffic Cop."

"Hmmm...this'll be a tough one..."

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

"No, that looks nothing like him. Were you even listening to me? Young man, are you on drugs?"

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

'Jones, I have asked this officer to arrest you on the grounds that you are a serial time killer.'

'Let's enrol on the last one. We've more chance of getting a job doing that these days.'

Messing Up My Metrics

Public unions.

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

Hey White People: Here's How You Can Learn Empathy for Blacks Who Get Shot by White Cops

Find More Kids

'But, sweetheart, it's only for three hours. Just say you're bringing him in for loitering.'

Hello, sir, we're the post-Halloween, leftover candy, concerned citizens patrol.