Dressage Divas T-Shirts

'I'm going to take a wild guess and say 'dressage'.'

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Little Princess.

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

Framed Lady

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

'Look Daddy: I'm wearing Mummy's shoes...'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

Hair: Full Cut / Beer: Half Cut

How would Madam like to pay?

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

"I'm so looking forward to the weekend, there's a show on: We're going to be pampered and they'll put lovely ribbons in our manes..."

"I've decided the most honorable course of action is for me to take the blame...and pin it on Gordon."

Lemon centerpieces: $50 each

'I need it in a size two for now and a size five for when I put on my rebound weight.'

'After years of studying the apes I've finally found a way of being accepted into their group.'

'And one, and two, and three, and don't get discouraged Manatee, and four, and five...'

"I think I found the perfect time of year to sell my old clothes!"

Home Maintenance - Decorating.

Prehistoric Wallpaper

Master of the Universe meets the sugar plumb fairies

"I'm ready for my close-up."

John Woodvine

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

'So....how many hours were you practising half pass this morning?'

'I've no objection to children, darling, as long as they're carefully colour co-ordinated.'

Girl trying to be a woman

"Painted like this, finding furniture to match at least one colour should be simple!"

Cut out and keep your own Wardrobe Assistant.

Lady convincing her husband to have wallpaper instead of plaster.

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."