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"....aaand here, where you stipulate: "Yes, goddammit, Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ I just want this to be over.'"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Characters jumping out of a book.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I feel that I have at least one more unpublished novel in me."

'Is this your first book launch?'

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

This new writer we've got is really working out, dear. I feel reinvigorated! Like someone's breathed new life into me! Why, I feel like anything can happen now! Like we can do things that are out of the ordinary! things we almost never do. I said Not tonight, dear.

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"Think about it. Maybe it's a good thing the boss doesn't know your name."

Confused drivers

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'Don't mind me....I'll just sit here while you work on homeland security, unemployment, health care and your many other prbblems!'

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

Lighthouse attracts ships like moths

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

One book... One book... One book...