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'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

''... or not to be'!'

"I love the blockbusters of the summer confession season."

Bad Heir Day

William Shakespeare

Hamlet on interactive TV.

Good V Evil.

'Why don't you go and do your shopping, Irene, then Janet and I will have something to talk about.'

Fire at the fireworks factory.

'Sheesh! Every time. Well, you people knew what you were getting into!'

Tragedy and Remedy.

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

The I.M.s of Romeo and Juliet

'Want to make some big money, William? A publisher wants you to write a page-turner.'

Stock Market Unplugged.

The Bottle - Bailiffs Repossess Furniture- Drinking Continues

"I'm going to pull a seat number from this fish bowl and someone will have a very memorable night at the theater."

One of Faust's lesser-known bargains.

'Jennifer! My identity has been stolen!'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Coughing, or non-coughing?"

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

He was beginning to quiver all over like Lionel Barrymore.

"Hello, due to a shortage of staff I will be operating on you today..."

Surface Tension

'You expect the lions and the death, but the booing from the crowd is just hurtful.'

Ariel (Ireland) asking Prospero (Gladstone) for her freedom

Mr. Mantalini poisons himself for the seventh time

'The paper shredder would have kept your old bank details just as secure, darling!'

Nicholas Beats Mr Squeers

Nicholas congratulates Arthur Gride on his wedding morning

The wine-shop

Hamlet throws skull at noisy audience member on phone: 'Sorry about this, Yorick.'

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

"Please direct your comments to the jury, counsellor, not the Greek chorus."