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"It's the Neighbourhood Watch... there's a double-glazing salesman approaching..."

Snooze buttons for cat owners

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Waking Up With Rooster.

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

"Knowing two languages is sure handy when telemarketers call."

'No thanks. I never sign a sales deal at the door.'

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

"I think I'll pass - I'm having a really bad-nose day."

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'I find the easiest way to expand my vocabulary is to make up words.'

"Sorry, I'm afraid he can't come to the phone right now."

"If it's the ice princess, I'm not here."

'The person you called may be toying with the olive in her cocktail, please try again later.'

"Ugh . . . nevermind."

"If that's for me, tell them I'm in a meeting."

"I'm meeting with Thor for drinks. He doesn't zoom.

Still going in circles. 'Told you so.'

Why men hate to stop and ask for directions.

"I can't wait that long."

"Hey, can I call you back in about a nap and a half?"

"Tell me about online banking again. I'm not good at technology, but it's got to be less stressful than this."

Man knocked out by doorframe leading into a basketball court.

"Hi, this is RFK Jr." "Who?" "I'm just calling to remind you I'm still running for president." "Oh. Ok, now you have a good time." "I'm also calling to remind you I'm available for speaking engagements at your large rally, small rally, bar mitzvah, or assorted car wash openings." "Would you like me to speak at your function?" "Oh no, that's all right. Don't worry about it."

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

Other Walks of Shame

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

'I'm eating right now. Can you call me back when I'm not eating?'

Ring. If that me calling, I'm obviously not here.

"It's those bloody Jehovah's Witness kids again! Knocking and not running away!"

Sorry out of numbers.

'Speaking!'

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