Door Slammer Gifts

The Synchronized-Swim Team Quits

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

Boy with bat using toaster to launch bread for him to practise hitting

Emergency exit into Space

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.

"You rang?"

Woman is held back in her career by a male boss

Look out, here comes the old man

'Thank goodness you got here in time. Frank was going to start without you.'

'Curiosity'

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

Door

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

Snail Peephole

Janus faced

Twig, do you

"How's your blogging going?"

'The answer is still no. I'm not interested!'

"How long will it take to widen this door?"

Clinic For Those With One Leg: Wipe Your Foot.

Destroying Music Speakers.

The best way to teach the cat how to read?

"It's those bloody Jehovah's Witness kids again! Knocking and not running away!"

"Cherchez la femme."

"I think Jim Morrison is over-rated."

'My husband I haven't been sleeping so we changed from a memory mattress to an amnesia one...we're still not sleeping properly, but now we've forgotten all about it by the time we wake up.'

Remember, when one door closes, another door opens, so don't forget to fix that @#$% latch, too. RJ & Son Locksmiths.

New Home

'Can I stress that this technique must only be used as a last resort.'

"Slide dammit!"

When one door closes. . . another opens!

"Hey fellows, this one's open."

Acting Beyond My Means, Please Help.

'-and now, everyone's favourite!'