Donation Dramatist T-Shirts

'I revel in competition. I have two charities, right now, vying for my $50 donation.'

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

Edmund Kean Supporting Drury Lane

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

I know they told me not to bark

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

Honey badger do care.

'Dear, it's called a collection plate, not a tip jar.'

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

"Somebody tell me...what's my motivation?"

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

Roach Motel

'I'm leaving this damn job at the end of the month.' - 'How did you find out?'

'Let's face it, we never got along. I'm just sorry it had to come to this.'

"I can't approve of your office gossiping, Frank...and after you tell me the latest I want it to stop!"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"Dinner's ready, if you want to take a break from your personal space."

'It was late, very late, but the peas had touched the mash potatoes, and only dawn could lift the curse.'

'Not another tough crossword puzzle.'

"I hate it when he stand at the window, takes a deep breath and says...THE CITY!"