Domestic Dynamos Gifts

Man with Ironing burns on shirt - "How are things going at home Robert?"

'Mom, how old was I when dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

'Rabbit stew again?' ( MAGICIANS HAT ON STOVE)

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

"When I told the robot vacuum company how many pets and kids I have, they sent me this."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Cossack dancers

Considering she started here as an office temp she's done quite well.

'Hold on, Baby, Hold on!'

Boxes marked 'In', 'Out' and 'How did this end up on my desk?'

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

GPs could be forced to switch IT systems onto new NHS digital contract

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

Computer tycoon, 'It's that nerd-do-well from next door,'

The auto-update demons attack-again."

"I can't get the blasted tin opener to work."

"He's here early and he stays late. I don't know if he's dedicated or just homeless."

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

Exhausted mother holds up 'Off Duty' sign.

"A toothbrush with a DVD player?" "Yeah, now she brushes for half an hour."

"What's wrong, hon? You haven't touched my food."

Larry's binge drinking, though annoying, started a terrific domino party tradition....

"We're already wondering what her legacy might be."

Graffiti about dominoes, beer etc. Old man says: 'To deter vandals, I'm doing my own graffiti.'

Sex Equality

"Philip has questioned my stewardship."

Just one moment dear.

'After scraping my tongue, flossing my teeth, brushing my teeth, whitening my teeth and gargling, I'm hungry all over again!'

Politically Correct Dictionaries

'I've combined your mortgage,cars,motorhome and boat into what we like to call here at ACME bank, a HONKIN' BIG LOAN.'

Before: Magic carpet... After: Down to Earth.

"Oh, sure, I remember him. He was quiet, mostly kept to himself, paid the rent on time. You know, we were only married for sixteen years."