Domestic Duo Pillows

'He has his pet and I have mine.'

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

'I keep thinking that I've forgotten something.'

"You killed it, you clean it."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Balancing work and family

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Ironing day.

"I had to skip my workout."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Always Compatible

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.