Domestic Disputant Gifts

'What do you mean, that'll be ?82 including V.A.T.? This is your house! '

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Always Compatible

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

Those missing socks...where do they go?

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

"You confused the Sudso box with the Cruncho box."

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

'Well, if you insist on using logic I see little point in continuing this argument.'

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

'Hon...Why do we have tumbleweed rolling across the living room floor?' 'That's not tumbleweed...The dog is shedding again.'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

'I'll tell you what mister - I'll lose ten pounds and stop nagging, the same day you act your age, cleanup after yourself, cook your own food and get a brain in that fat head.'

"Is there anything else I can do wrong for you?"

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

'Shall I fry it or flush it?'

"Have we got time for a quick argument before our programme starts..?"

'You're in my light!'

Going Shopping Together.

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

'... and the kids are screaming and the house is a disaster, and my husband finally get gets home and says 'how was your day?'... so I bit his head off.'

Castle Cat Flap

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

"Surely I'm allowed an opinion!"

'Daddy, the toaster has stopped working again.'

"Don't just stand there Howard - SWAT IT!!!"

'...and don't you dare turn the volume up at me!'