Doggy Diet Planner Pillows

"Not only do these new treats taste like table scraps, they're also good for you."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'I'm ready! You ready?...You ready?'

"How did you cure your dog of begging for food?"

'He refuses to overeat and get plump. Do you think he knows something we don't?'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'This one is very effective. It sounds just like a can opener.'

"Ready to head back?"

"See, I told you he didn't want to go out."

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

'Sorry, chubs, but those little circles you do before lying down don't cut it as exercise.'

Fruits and vegetables

You are what you eat.

"I'm taking you off 3 of the 4 basic food groups."

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

Dog Food Groups

'Nothing but veggies...we gotta learn to read.'

'So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'You can rest assured that our 'diet conscience' fund invests only in low-fat, low cholesterol food companies.'

'The doctor said I need more calcium in my diet, so I'm switching from dark chocolate to milk chocolate.'

Parping dog.

'I take it your romantic dinner isn't going well. . .'

"I need some assistance here."

"I think that new dog food gives him gas!"

"I'm on a vodka diet-lost two weeks already!"

Man reading dog food can: Contains beef and beef by-products.

'Well, if you're enjoying your diet plan you must be doing it wrong.'

"I told you it was a waste of time, it's a vegan home."

"I must not eat pies off the path, I must not eat pies off the path..."

"When the time is right I intend to lead a canine revolution that will bring about a new world order. Until then I'm just hanging around acting cute."