Doggie Doctor Jokes Prints

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

Dog wearing a cone

"Who's got excellent kidney function, according to this most recent round of tests? You do! Yes, you do!"

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

Pet owner pours out contents of treats for dog that are oddly shaped. Box titled: 'Funny Bones'.

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"She never took to the leash."

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

"The dog wants out again!"

'They should have extra-small thermometers for Yorkies, Doctor!'

"My human can't tell which end is which."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'You treated his ears last year, but I guess the medicine didn't work because he's still shaking his head!"

'That's the problem with Dacshunds, you can never tell whether they're coming or going.'

'Nonsense, Melvin! Who ever heard of a tapeworm that big?'

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'Oh no, they're back!'

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

'She think we're waiting out here in this sun? Hot-wire this sucker!'

"I'm not supposed to eat things I find on the ground...but I think this might be ok."

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

“I've come to believe that I'm powerless over tennis balls.”

'It's a shaggy dog storey.'