Doggie Adventure Planner Gifts

'I'm ready! You ready?...You ready?'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

'This is way better than a litter box.'

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

Planned service changes

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

'Some action figures! - They just STAND there!'

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'People are staring at us because they've never seen private box seats at an off broadway theatre before.'

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

'Yes, It's in that direction.'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

"I told you not to let him out of your sight."

Dog Park. Ernie, let me help you navigate the dog park safely. Thanks. Never ask the dalmatian if you can play "Connect the Dots." Don't discuss international politics with the Siberian Husky, or make jokes around the Greyhound. The Saint Bernard does not find it funny if you ask for his blessing. And most importantly, unless you schedule is clear for a week ... yeah? Don't say "yes" when the Lab asks you to play with that ball with him!

"Oh, wow, I almost didn't recognize you naked – you look so different in your person's Instagram photos."

'That was a good idea of yours to make ourselves scarce, the price of honey is going through the roof. I am going to cash in and get myself a nice little hive in Ibiza.'

Jasper wasn't used to dealing with snowstorms before winter, let alone before Halloween...

"Here is a folder with your itinerary, visas and pre-paid coupons for your four-star hotel nests along the way: happy migration!"

'First time skiing?'

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

"I borrowed it from my neighbor, he's a big tennis guy."

"Okay, the first rule of rolling in s***e club is no one talks about rolling in s***e club."

'I don't know why I let you talk me into such hare-brained schemes...darn it,missed again!'

Returning tourism

"We want a good selection of hotels restaurants and activities...but no tourists!"

'What choice do we have?'

'I take it your romantic dinner isn't going well. . .'

Ask Sadie. My wife and I are getting a puppy soon. Any training tips? - Jay and Emily, Charlotte, NC. Sent from my iPad. Oh yes. A tip: Have him poop on your @#$% iPad, you high-tech boobs! Irrelevant and gratuitous. Sent from my lungs. You need the toothbrush app.

"Hold on, Billingsly! I distinctly remember it was your job to pack the mosquito repellent!"

"We're just planning our journey."

"Crap – we brought the wrong car."