Dog Walking Jokesters Gifts

"Who's my good widdoo headless dog?"

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"He was a rescue."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

Dog sees venus fly trap catch a fly and copies it...

"Gas was passed, you get the blame, that's the system."

'I know I should be thankful I have a good home, but if he talks baby talk to me one more time, I swear I'll go for his throat.'

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

'It's a shaggy dog storey.'

'I've decided it's worth forsaking my reputation as man's best friend for this opportunity to tell you I've always hated you with a passion.'

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

Rex would soon discover the eerie similarity between a playful growl and a warning growl.

"Hold on, I just have to send a P-mail."

'You'd better come in while I phone the mail order bride company and tell them there's been a mistake.'