Dog Trainer's Delight Pillows

'It took me a long time to teach him to fetch the newspaper.'

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"I'm sorry that Ted ever taught him to smoke. It's costing us a fortune!"

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

Pavlov's Puppy

"But this time, Lucky, when I throw the ball... you bring it back!"

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

My dog is an honor student at the Curtis Obedience School.

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

"Hold on! Baxter's trying to tell us something..." "The kitchen is on fire"

'Eat boy, eat!... I taught him that one myself.'

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

Boring Pianist

"He would rather die than salivate!"

'Tell me again why we are afraid of chairs.'

'Watch this... I have him trained to give me a treat every time I shake his hand.'

Puppy school vs. kitten school

Sean Connery's Dog Training School

'Like I was saying, Angus, I'm the master, you're the dog.'

Enable your dog to finish the pursuit of the squirrel...Teach your dog how to easily uncork the wine...They can prepare your taxes for you.....and feed themselves.

"What don't you understand about 'fetch'?"

"I thought you were teaching him to fetch, not kvetch."

"If I say I need to go out, I need to go out."

What do animal trainers do?

'It's great that they taught you CPR, but I wish they'd also given you breath mints.'

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."

'It's ironic: I was employed to beg by an organ grinder, and now, I beg because I'm unemployed...'

'Yes, the training here is very thorough!'

'I've finally gotten him to come when I call.'

'That's what I call well trained gun dogs.'

A dog fetches planet earth for God.

"They're easier to train than reindeer. On the other hand, they can't fly."