Dog Mystic Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"Did you have a cat?"

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

"He's sending an instant message."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

"She will take me on more walks."

The grim reaper (of humans) and the angel of death (for dogs) are foreshadowing the imminent death of a man and his doh.

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

The newspaper that psychics read every morning.

"I'm dating a spiritualist medium..."

"It's his only trick, but I think you'd agree. . . it's a bloody good one!"

A prediction.

"Seducers, politicians and non-believers, it's all become so humdrum. I often wonder, where have all the sorcerers and fortune tellers gone?"

"Now then, which life are you on?"

'I've finished your horoscope, Bucky.'

'Madam Zora's one of our new schemes to future proof the business!'

'And here's something for the dog.'

"I've got nothing. Here's a fortune cookie."

Madame Zena: Spiritualist

"How do you stop this bloody thing?"

"It says 'made in Hong Kong'"