Dog Lover Gifts

"It's always 'Sit,' 'Stay,' 'Heel'—never 'Think,' 'Innovate,' 'Be yourself.' "

"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog."

"What I like most about being a dog is all the free time."

"Howard, I think the dog wants to go out."

"Well, I think you're wonderful."

"They moved my bowl."

"Is the homework fresh?"

"Is there any chance of getting my testicles back?"

"Until now, I never understood why you got so excited when someone walked past the house."

"For Heaven's sake, why don't you go outdoors and trace something?"

"Meow."

"You can't plead cute."

"All dogs go to Heaven, because we're not the ones who screwed up."

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'You have just one more wish. Are you sure you want another belly-rub?'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

Dogs have name tags on their rear ends.

"Surprise!"

"It's just a theory, but perhaps it's their opposable thumbs that makes them crazy."

Dog using MP3 player scowls at dog that's still listening to gramophone player.

A fire hydrant pees on a dog.

'And if you ever did catch your tail, are you sure it would make you happy?'

"Perhaps we're overthinking the situation."

"We need to talk about your diet."

"He's a working dog, but I don't know what he does."

"Toilet or tap?"

"The court is sorry that it raised its voice."

'And then I just hit delete. I haven't actually eaten any homework in years.'

"Scotch and toilet water?"

Disaster plan.

'I'm not supposed to lick myself either.'

"Yes, you're my best friend, and no, I'm not lending you forty thousand dollars."

Dog Realtor

'Does your dog bite?' 'Oh, please, please, please, boss, let me handle this one!'

'Have you considered Botox?'