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'I know I should be thankful I have a good home, but if he talks baby talk to me one more time, I swear I'll go for his throat.'

"I was almost that last year."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Balloon dog training

-'Okay Rebel, find the drugs.' -'Are you kidding? There's dirty underwear here!'

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

Cuthbert was a pit of a party animal

'The pats on the head are nice, but I need more compensation...'

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

"Get a life."

House with 'Dog For Sale' sign. Cat walks by holding 'Good Riddance' sign.

"Go on. Throw the stick."

'Oh goody, chunky soup!'

Dog sees venus fly trap catch a fly and copies it...

'When did you teach him to play dead?'

Dog urinating on a work of art.

'It's a shaggy dog storey.'

"And have various, random strangers scratch behind your ears four times daily."

"Don't make me beg."

Dogs playing strip poker.

"We're in for the night."

Bottled Toilet Water

'I've got a dog and I'm worried that it might catch avian flu from a turkey and develop a new strain of caninebird flu that I might catch!...Have you got something I can take to stop that happening?'

"I think my name is 'stop that' but I don't know for sure."

"I've got problems with the IRS. I haven't filed in seven years."

"I don't know why we need a qr code when all they have on the menu is dog food."

Pecking order - pecking out of order.