Dog House Confidant Pillows

"I'm working from home today."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

Time for tea and friendship.

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"Your love gives me strength."

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

Personal Assistants.

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

Spa Dog

"He ran out of pee."

'You wouldn't believe the day I've had.'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

Dog Restroom

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

"I now propose a 5 minute break so we can confide with our dogs."

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

'No, Mrs. Dudley! If there's a bone in a chair, that means it's reserved for Marmaduke!'

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.

"I'm burned out on fetching. I'm thinking of changing careers."

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."