Cat Confidant Pillows

"I'm burned out on fetching. I'm thinking of changing careers."

'Here's another one that'll give you a big laugh.'

He suspected the cat was cheating.

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"I'm working from home today."

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Rocking Witches.

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"Your love gives me strength."

"It doesn't do anything all day but eat and sleep and get waited on by a staff of bipeds. I think we've found the leader."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

Cat puts off paying gas bill, to sleep longer...

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

Snooze buttons for cat owners

"Cat-astrophic Trifecta" "I pooped in Mona's Jimmy Choo handbag." "I knocked over grampa's ashes." "I buried a Barbie in the litter box."

On Valentine's Day, sometimes you don't need cards, candy or flowers from the ones who love you.

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

Personal Assistants.

When her hex on ageing failed, Grizelda opted for the mobility - broom.

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Spa Dog