Dog Hotelier T-Shirts

"Do you want a bed or do you prefer to sleep on the furniture?"

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

Bed and Breakfast

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

Ino & Frieda's 'Bed and Bagel'

'It's only temporary until we can find a good home for the cats.'

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

"Such a heavenly night I spent in your bed."

Carpet

Mexican Dog

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

"Could I possibly get a bigger room?" (man bent over backwards).

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

"Do you have a room for a couple of knights?"

"Once I finish obedience school, I plan to stray around Europe for a year."

'My first overseas holiday - and what a disaster! I spent most of the time in quarantine...

"I see this place is very popular with tourist industry workers."

'No, I'm afraid we're dull. But we do have two vacancies in the Kitchen.'

The suite hereafter.

'I also provide a cockadoodle-doo wake up call service if you want when you're away from the farm...'

"I don't allow pets on the furniture, but I do allow them on the guests."

"This is a bend and breakfast. You sleep on a cafeteria table."

Extremes meet - A very tall guest is shown to a short bed.

Puffy's Safe Travel Inspection Station

Dog Ban On Beach. Mar-Oct.

A dog driving a car as a man sticks his head and tongue out the window

"A bed tax for visitors is just a first step. To further stimulate tourism to the UK after Brexit, we'll charge you for leaving, the UK, e-mailing the UK, writing to the UK, calling the UK and finally, avoiding the UK altogether."

Branch No3 is free sir: It will be $10...

'When you said this was a three star hotel, I didn't expect to see them through a hole in the roof!'

'I know you said this was a four star hotel, but I didn't expect to see them through a hole in my ceiling!'

'And there's extra blankets if you need them.'