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"Please. Please just stop barking."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

Conversation between Dogs.

'It's a great film Pauline, I nearly milked myself laughing.'

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

I've been scouting new locations for the strip. Great. We can certainly use some. Have you found anything exciting so far? Yes. A bench on the other side of the park. It has a trash can in the background.

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

"You mean, with that yakerpoop app, you can have a service stop by and puck up your bag of crap?"

"My owners named me Kvduer92hybH20UDF8fhsj becuase they wanted to remember a strong password for their online banking."

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

"It's gonna be hard but no more shaking and fetching for a few weeks."

'Play dead.'

"Yeah, I tried beaver once too, but I didn't like the woody after-taste..."

'This dingo penpal of his - they're Australian aren't they?'

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

"Cool hat, Walter. Where'd you get it?" "It came with the meal."

'So smart and yet so dumb.'

Dogs discussing human commend pet peeves.

Well, he's bought himself a new car with a "new car smell" of plastic fumes, so no, I'm not keen on going on car rides right now...

"Are those the DNA results?" "Yep." "And?" "You're a dog."

"I don’t know, Taylor – it seems to me, anyone who doesn’t talk to their dog is crazy."

"Are we sure he's the alpha?"

'I'm pretty sure she's talking to you - yes, you!'

'He's a nice guy, but he doesn't bite, if you know what I mean.'

"Sure, you can talk the talk, but can you swim the swim?"

"If I hear 'Who's my widdle snoogie woogums' one more time I think I'm gonna snap."

'His barks's worse than his bite.'

"Barking can be very affirmational."

"My mother ate math homework while she was pregnant with me."

"Let's stop pretending we understand the English setters and just turn on the subtitles."

"If you could spend an hour with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"

'sure, Lassie made us Border Collies popular, but the drawback is that people expect us to save them or run for help all the time...'