Dog Defuser Gifts

'He won't hurt you - just don't make any sudden moves.'

No Soliciting

A Change of Scene.

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'Mmm … and he's ringing wet too. I just can't resist the smell of a wet dog.'

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Dog being carried off by ducks.

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

Clown walking his balloon dog.

"Sometimes I think they hired me just to take the blame."

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

'This breed can smell incompetence.'

'First we had her fixed, then we had her gussied up.'

'I can't go in there now, I'll look ridiculous.'

A stronger drink

"Honey,...Oscar wants to go for a walk."

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

Homework eating dogs

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

Surface Tension

"Ms. Hoffman, we're from the SPCA investigating allegations of animal cruelty. Is it true that you force your small dog to wear holiday sweaters?"

'Shut-up, stupid dog!'

'And if he does get through the invisible fence, our drone will zap him from 40,000 feet.'

'Every dog has his day - But the nights belong to us.'

'Baxter wouldn't hurt a fly. Unfortunately fleas are another matter.'

"Oh, he's an alarmist. Trim his wick and he'll be fine."

"I'm taking him out to do his 'job'."

'Unbelievable money maker.'

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

'And after they figure out human rights, they'll start on ours.'

I Love You, Man! Dude, that's just the catnip talking.

"I know, I know, he's like ... 'one of the family,' but I still find it unnerving..."

Postman wearing protective shin pads.