Dog Command Guru T-Shirts

"What don't you understand about 'fetch'?"

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Um, Larry? That’s not a quail."

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

'It's okay - he knows how to use the GPS.'

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

"Wow, what a DILF."

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

'Get up or I'm sending in the cat.'

Dog with Anchor Lead

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'

Dog training

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

Dog leading a blind dog and blind person.

"… She's simply asking that you no longer refer to her as 'the dog.'"

Top dogs IN and OUT trays

Dog walker / Cat walker.

"Here's your water, locally sourced from the restroom."

(Overachieving Dog) (Just get me the paper and let Mr. Rather go!)

'The speaker for tonight's ceremony will be our valedictorian. Speak, boy, speak.'

"Sorry, nature calls, I'll be back in five minutes: Suzie, you're in charge..."

Cruel Pet Tricks

"Poppy has left the dog kennel. I repeat Poppy has left the dog kennel...Yes, yes, we have a code brown!"

'and to your left is Big Ben, and across the river you can see the London Eye'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"What happened to what cat?"

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

'There's a cat in our yard! Release the hounds!'

"Close-order drill! Everybody fall in!"

'I signed him up in obedience school, but all he did was play hooky.'