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Obedience School/Disobedience School.

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

Doug always circled around four or five times before lying down to sleep.

"If you eat the homework, but then spit it out, are you still a bad dog?"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Dog History

'No, Marmaduke, we don't get takeout at a toll booth.'

"Excuse me, sir. Do you carry any poo-pourri?"

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

"Are there treats? Just grab the treats and get outta there!"

Canine Scentipede

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"I'll take this one."

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

'...and I know exactly how to interpret his barks.'

Dog Bar with Toilets.

"He may be neutered and declawed, but he's still dangerous."

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

'He took a fetching class.'

"Wait ... now I forgot what I was going to bark at you for."

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

Cat does not want to chase the stick.

"Here's your water, locally sourced from the restroom."

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