Doctor's Advice Pillows

'How's your liver?', 'Okay for now, but my doctor told me to take it easy.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'