Doctor-patient Anecdote Fan Prints

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'Could you wear a Dr. Phil mask?'

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

Obstetrics.

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

A doctor statue and a patient statue

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

"Unfortnuately, we won't know what's wrong with you until we do an autopsy."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'Death doesn't frighten me, but the night nurse does...'

'I couldn't get the cap off the prescription bottle. What did you die of?'

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."

'Next we tried continuous intravenous drip fluid therapy...'

Ear, Nose and Throat doctor baffled by knife wound.

'I'd like to take some x-rays to determine if there is a problem or if you're just being a big baby.'

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

'Doctor Bohan will see you now, Mrs. Stradley, but he really doesn't want to.'

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'

"Well, if it's elective surgery, I vote no."

Flo tries to look dignified while waiting to hand in her stool sample.

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"You want a second opinion? Do you have a second illness?''

"I know we agreed to a period of watchful waiting, but this is more watchful than I bargained for."

'Hey, I'm glad to see you're still here. I thought you'd died!'

'Wider!'

The story of my op. - please take one