Dmv Survivor Gifts

Man getting mugged. 'Please leave my driver's license. I can't handle the DMV.'

'Damn, so close!'

"The Motor Vehicle Department had some concerns for my safety."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

'I know it's overdue but I've been in Intensive Care.'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Unsuccessful board meeting.

Meeting not going well?"

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

violence in workplace

Completely out of diapers and facing a seven-hour layover, Marsha happens upon a diaper scalper.

There's a real disconnect going on here.

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

'And this chart shows our rate of growth.'

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'