Dmv Survivor Gifts

Man getting mugged. 'Please leave my driver's license. I can't handle the DMV.'

'Damn, so close!'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'I know it's overdue but I've been in Intensive Care.'

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"I'll be a bit late... sorry."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Meeting not going well?"

Unsuccessful board meeting.

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

violence in workplace

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

There's a real disconnect going on here.

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

'And this chart shows our rate of growth.'

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

"Today's meeting will be endless, with a half-hour break for lunch."

'This is the most dysfunctional company I've ever seen. Everyone is in complete denial about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"I know this is just my humble opinion, but it's backed by the most comprehensive rumor, gossip and speculation this office can provide!"