Divorce Selfie Taker Gifts

THE EX-FILES, 'It's about people who have trouble with their former spouses.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

Final selfie

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

"This is getting ugly, she's demanding a return of the kidney she donated to you back in '88."

Second marriage vows.

'Currently, my assets are diversified. They're split up among my 4 ex-wives.'

"When I got divorced, I went through all the stages of grieving - sadness, anger, denial and punching the air with delight when the settlement cheque came through!"

Sermon Today: Include God In Your Next Selfie.

'I'm divorcing you...and I want custody of the squids.'

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

"Are you on NapChat again?"

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

'Under the terms of my divorce I have to wear it for a full year.'

"Just one quickie for all the doubters back home."

"As part of the settlement she's asking for the two cars, the house, the cabin and one of your testicles. The other, of course, will be applied toward my fee."

'The facelift went well, but you might want to wait before you take any selfies.'

'My marriage is over. I gave that jerk the best hours of my life!'

'Typical! Asks for a divorce rather than reaching out and grabbing a divorce by the horns!'

'When Jane divorced me she let me keep my loin cloth.'

"It was a REALLY tough divorce. . . she got the hair!"

Taking selfies

Sopwerth, Drewry and Sims - Practice Limited to 'celebrity law'.

"Oh, it's ON!!!"

'Leave Doug alone for awhile Karen, he's very upset. His ex-wife just won sole custody of his inner child.'

'I want a divorce, a divorce, and a divorce.'

Divorce Court - Boxing gloves hanging up

'We were married before, and now he wants a rematch.'

'Don't feel bad, Steve -- it actually went quite well for a first marriage.'