Divorce Gifts

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"As a matter of fact, you did catch us at a bad time."

'And this is Ginger, from my fourth marriage.'

"I want our divorce to have a country farmhouse feeling."

"Don't think of it as divorce, Henry. Think of it as freedom...the next time you cheat on me with your secretary, it won't be cheating anymore."

'It's not you, it's your carbon footprint.'

'...and seven years ago I donated one of my kidneys to him. I want it back.'

"Brad, we've got to talk."

"Thanks to separations, divorces and remarriages, I've got 20 grandparents."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'I've decided that instead og becoming a new me this year, I'll just get a new you!'

Mover Carrying Furniture to Trucks Saying "His" and "Hers"

The End is Near...You Wish.

"When you say you want to speak to my parents, do you mean my mommy and her new husband, or my daddy and his new wife or my mommy and daddy?"

'My parents are divorced...and I'm doing very nicely, thank you.'

"I don't care which parent I get as long as it's the same one that gets the Playstation."

Surprise Party

'... and they got a divorce and, due to a good prenup, they lived happily ever after.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

'If you run into trouble, give my brother a call. He's an excellent divorce lawyer.'

"Oh yeah? Well my dad's child support payments are bigger than your dad's."

'It's the antitrust commission dear, they say we have to get divorced!'

"My parents have decided to homeschool me, but they haven't decided which home."

Well I'm not sure if you are aware...but the house is currently in your husband's name.

'Rough divorce, huh?'

'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'

"And may all your chakras be blocked!"

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

"We're fighting like - well, we're fighting."

'He's the wrong size.'

"I want out, Laura."

'He used to be my heart-throb, now he just gives me palpitations'

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"