Divine Ironist Pillows

"I don't believe in these idiots any longer. You now can call me an atheist."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'T.M.I.F.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Lactose Intolerant

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

How to win friends and Influenza People.

Armed forces waiting with nothing to do.

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'Read that last part back to me.'

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

Profits - "On the positive side, our company has never been touched by any scandal connected with insider trading."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

God passing the time.

I'm tired of your games, Al. MY games? look who's talking! The guy with the role-playing hand puppets!