Divine Intervention Theorists Gifts

Footballer blames Act of God for poor shot at goal.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"Just my luck."

"Betcha can't hit the same spot twice in a row."

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

Remote-controlled Popemobile.

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

'Is this a 'cash for clunkers' deal?'

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

'Hey, Naomi, remember last week when you said nothing short of a miracle could save MicroTechnoCom from bankruptcy?'

The real reason for the hole in the ozone layer.

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

"For the last time- I can't Rapture you out to the Hamptons."

'Hey, good news, we had a look at the X-rays. Turns out, God is on your side.'

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

Stockbrokers - The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."

'It's just a miracle.'

Sell the Universe !

"Oh, that's the problem - it was unplugged the whole time!"

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

"Why corona? I thought they were getting a bit too cocky."

'This message contains confidential and/or legally privileged information, unintended recipients may not use, copy or disclose any portion of this transmission.'

'Let's go home, coach. If God was going to intervene with a miracle and change the final score to save your job, it would have happened by now.'

'New Charismatic'

In and Out.

Why there are no church hecklers.

A Chariot of Fire Takes Elijah Up To Heaven (The Holy Bible).

'Now they're praying for the Sun to stand still - You really should have told them more about physics.'

Hunter looking frightened with smoking gun. Angel dropping out of the sky.

God throwing a lifebelt.

Clergyman prays for divine intervention.

Invoice.