Divine Intervention Ponderers Gifts

'Oh Lord, not again!'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'What did He do before he was God?'

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

Jesus wept

"Just my luck."

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'Is this a 'cash for clunkers' deal?'

Remote-controlled Popemobile.

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

The real reason for the hole in the ozone layer.

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

"For the last time- I can't Rapture you out to the Hamptons."

'Hey, good news, we had a look at the X-rays. Turns out, God is on your side.'

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

'Entropy already? You just made it.'

"Why corona? I thought they were getting a bit too cocky."

Just a thought on nooses.

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

"Oh, that's the problem - it was unplugged the whole time!"

'This message contains confidential and/or legally privileged information, unintended recipients may not use, copy or disclose any portion of this transmission.'

'Let's go home, coach. If God was going to intervene with a miracle and change the final score to save your job, it would have happened by now.'

'New Charismatic'

"That's just so God."

A Chariot of Fire Takes Elijah Up To Heaven (The Holy Bible).

'Now they're praying for the Sun to stand still - You really should have told them more about physics.'

God throwing a lifebelt.

Clergyman prays for divine intervention.

"Is this your first foray into self-publishing?"

'Drawbridge ahead'