Divine Intervention Detective Pillows

Remote-controlled Popemobile.

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'Okay - who leaked?'

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"Just my luck."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

'Wow! -- Talk about family values!'

'Is this a 'cash for clunkers' deal?'

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

"That's not what I said."

The real reason for the hole in the ozone layer.

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

'Hey, good news, we had a look at the X-rays. Turns out, God is on your side.'

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

"For the last time- I can't Rapture you out to the Hamptons."

"OK, just between you and me: The free will thing? What was your angle in all that?"

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

"Oh, that's the problem - it was unplugged the whole time!"

"Why corona? I thought they were getting a bit too cocky."

'This message contains confidential and/or legally privileged information, unintended recipients may not use, copy or disclose any portion of this transmission.'

You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers.

'...But in case God misses something...'

'Let's go home, coach. If God was going to intervene with a miracle and change the final score to save your job, it would have happened by now.'

A Chariot of Fire Takes Elijah Up To Heaven (The Holy Bible).

"Well, you asked for a sign!"

'New Charismatic'

God throwing a lifebelt.

'Now they're praying for the Sun to stand still - You really should have told them more about physics.'

Invoice.

Clergyman prays for divine intervention.

'Drawbridge ahead'