Divine Finance Analysts T-Shirts

'Apparently so. In the opinion of the Bishop, God would be filthy rich.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

Local News in Heaven

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

'Okay - who leaked?'

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

The church of our lady of wall street.

God's failing sales chart in evidence at meeting. God says 'Okay, any ideas?'

'Wow! -- Talk about family values!'

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

To err is human, but to have your stocks recover from a plummet is divine.

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

Put it in writing!

Yahweh/Your Way

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

Stockbrokers - The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."

Sell the Universe !

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

Ad Meeting With God.

"If you're generous when the collection plate is passed around, I'll make my sermon ten minutes shorter than usual."

'Intriguing theory, Dr. Kleinherz, but the fact that the Universe is expanding doesn't necessarily mean that God is a capitalist.'

'Every week a sum of money the size of this rainforest disappears to service the UK's national debt.'

"Yes, reverend, all our stocks are faith-based.2

Smoking away money.

'I see you've laid up for yourselves treasures in heaven. Is this some sort of tax dodge?'

Heavenly Tennis.

"God spoke to me in a dream and it really changed my life. He told me to diversify my portfolio."

'Well, we'd better review the tapes.'