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"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

Heavenly politics. Campaigns here are different from those down on earth. Saint Peter has a complete file on everybody, so there's total transparency up here. Our debates are friendly and the ads are all positive. And here the incumbent in the highest office always runs unopposed. That's all true, but in one way the camaigns up here are just like the ones on earth. They go on for eternity.

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'

'My god! I never thought I'd be depressed here too!'

"I prefer to keep my religious views to myself."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

'I caught one, I actually caught one.'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

God's failing sales chart in evidence at meeting. God says 'Okay, any ideas?'

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

'It's true that the meek were intended to inherit the Earth, Mr. Osgood, but we have you classified as 'apathetic.''

"Fifty is plenty.". . . "Hundred and fifty."

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

"If it isn't E mc2!"

No, those were not my last words! I told you you never listened.

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

"Better hurry it up on that 'Eve' project. Adam's been giving the eye to an orangutan."

This looks unusual, but these things have a mind of their own.

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"'Smoking' or 'Non-Smoking'?"

'Walter, I warned you about all that angel hair pasta and pie in the sky.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'Mr.Shumway here is our visiting ethicist.'

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

"I can't hit a bad note to save my soul!"

'I should have prefaced my advice with the statement that I'm not an expert on the market.'

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

"Sin tax? I love it."

Library In Heaven Stocks The Bible And Only The Bible