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"Normally, we just assume that our seminary candidates are of good character."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways and likes to be paid in small unmarked bills"

"Should we just write them off as a tragic mistake..?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

Night-time halo

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"OMG, LOL!"

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Zeus's Caddy

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

Jesus sighted walking off Malibu

"Beware of God"

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

God pulling the plug on January 1st 2000

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

Needless to say, God forgot the legs.

The Reason for Storms

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

"That's my boy!"

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

God's Law.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Those who fail to capitalize pronouns referring to me are doomed to face my wrath! Otherwise I'm pretty laissez-faire."