Divine Chord Cracker T-Shirts

"My 'chord' and my God!"

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

Little league world series of poker.

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

"I want to be street smart so I can be a road scholar."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

"Check out this new store."

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"All the salmon has disappeared yet every door to the house was locked. Oh, it's a mystery all right."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

'Do you practice everyday or are you always this annoying?'

Do Not Enter and No U Turns

"This next tune is a one-chord song about how hard it is to learn a second chord."

'...On the other hand - the examined life sucks too.'

'Yeah, well I'm sick of being so danged happy all the time.'

'Number 19 across, 5 letter word, starts with 't', ends with 'h'...' 'How about truth?'

"Oh, you mellow with age alright: I even like the postman now..."

Looking for the vaccine

"C major 7, F major 7. . . and that's been the story of my life."

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

'Halloween, Thanksgiving, and at last it's really you...the Big Enchilada!'

Football anagram: Dead muffin (Answer: Damien Duff.)

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

'Tell me more about this strange man...'

Guitars

Eric Clapton.

Saving up for lessons.

"Ooo - nice! What chord was that?"

"I see. And precisely what methods did you use to determine that my client was a 'bad boy'?"