Divine Callers Pillows

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Local News in Heaven

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Angel doing the hula hoop.

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

Is this Seat Taken?

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

God changes the channel with his remote.

Alexander Graham Bell receives his first telephone call.

Bingo Addicts...

'I've been praying for a revelation, but nothing happens!'

"At random IS the plan..."

'Asking for trouble hotline...How may I direct your conscience?'

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

Social Networking in Heaven.

If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

'Father, I think the Lord has forsaken me, all I get is his voicemail.'

Listen, I know you're omniscient - You don't need to say "spoiler alert" every time you tell me something.

"My post only got one like, but it is from God."

"I'm not 'coercing' anyone. I'm just explaining what you must do to avoid going to hell."

The Devil has the best Tunes. Jesus says: 'Oooh, cherry menthol flavour.'

"Last night, I challenged your god to a duel. I won by default because he never showed."