Divine Callers Pillows

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Local News in Heaven

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Angel doing the hula hoop.

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

Is this Seat Taken?

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

'I have to hang up now. I'm getting some static on another line.'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

God changes the channel with his remote.

Alexander Graham Bell receives his first telephone call.

"At random IS the plan..."

'I've been praying for a revelation, but nothing happens!'

'Asking for trouble hotline...How may I direct your conscience?'

"All of my manifestations are currently busy however your prayer is important to me so please..."

If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?

Social Networking in Heaven.

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

"My post only got one like, but it is from God."

"I'm not 'coercing' anyone. I'm just explaining what you must do to avoid going to hell."

'Now that's what I call a miracle, not only can he make the dead walk...he can make them tango as well.'

The Devil has the best Tunes. Jesus says: 'Oooh, cherry menthol flavour.'

"Last night, I challenged your god to a duel. I won by default because he never showed."