Dive-and-fix Enthusiast T-Shirts

'That's the worst case of rising damp I've ever seen!'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Tool Box

Sunbathers.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"Why can't you just dig things up like normal dogs?"

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

Timber preservation

"The bones were bad enough, but this is just ridiculous."

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"Was it a fuse?"

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

Boy asking for bathing machine to be taken out deep so he can dive in.

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'I think I found the problem.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

Organized chaos.

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"I only need two tools: WD-40 if something doesn't move that should, and duct tape if something moves that shouldn't!"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Shall I kiss it better?"

He's got mdf..medium density fever.