Disease Dramatist Pillows

'I'll see your Bubonic Plague and raise you a severe case of Leprosy.'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

"It was touch and go for a while, but he's out of the woods now!"

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

"Nothing beats the thrill of operating beyond one's competence."

Stretcher Header.

"Where's the fire, pal?"

"I'll consider your proposal, but first I need a second opinion from your ex-wife."

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

To be or not to be?

You've got henmania

"We located your chart...It was filed under 'P' for pain in the butt!"

'One day, this will make a wonderful metaphor.'

Cold Remedies

"... Have you passed?... Well, just let me move these five traffic violation tickets that you picked up, out of the way and I'll check your score."

"I don't suppose you could settle up before you go?"

Have I told you about my operation?

'OK, Mrs. Huber. Why don't you step over here and start trying on some of these, and we'll make your case iron-clad.'

"Universal healthcare? Yes! I believe everyone has the right to all the healthcare I can bill them for."

'I'm the real thing. I'm FROM the West Nile.'

"May I have the ring back?"

"Do you think your big lottery win's going to change your life at all, dear?"

"Oh no. It's my ex with his new girlfriend. I'd hate him to see how desperate I've become."

"It's people like you, Mr. Evers, constantly living beyond your means, getting so hopelessly deeper and deeper into debt, to whom our industry owes eternal gratitude."

'My client woulkd like to change his 'Mea Culpa' to ' Was I really that bad?''

"Carriers are all we can be! La di da di de-e-e!"

'You really ought to do something about that leprosy, Walter.'

Mad cow complaining about foot and mouth

"Of course we should have women boxers in Britain...I mean, where else can they do panto?!"